So what IS red drink, anyways???

So, we took a daytrip to a really small local village this past weekend. It was a humble, but fascinating little gem, and I really wish we could have walked around for just a little longer than we had time for. “Ma3alesh!” (No praw-bleymo!) You know, the more I travel this great country, the more I realize how wonderfully diverse it really is! I mean you have every possible terrain that you can think of off the top of your head and the coolest of everything: sunsets, weather, beaches, names, cities, history, rugs, crafts, ceramics, clothes, shoes (I love those pointy yellow Moroccan slippers) and cultural and linguistic diversity. Anyone who has the privilege of coming to Morocco is definitely in for a real treat!



The village we visited was called Taz-rout and it was in the midst of this huge forest of trees and shrubbery that for the entire time getting there, had me thinking that I was back home, in the lush backwoods of central California. Anyone ever been to Kings Canyon or Sequoia national parks? Yeah, that’s exactly what it looked like. It was very interesting to behold such a biome in a place like Morocco of all places. Who would have thunk?



Anyways, so we get there, we tour the grounds, snap some pictures (you know, the usual routine) and then we have this lip-smackin’ lunch of Couscous and Baw-stee-la (this split pea kind of soup that goes really well with freshly-baked bread and freshly-pressed olive oil) which was followed by a fabulously ornate arrangement of deliciously sweet fruit. What I really want to highlight about this finger-lickin’ lunch (the whole of which Lawrence ate pretty much by himself) was the “Free” soda we just happened to be served as part of the lunch. No, it was actually 5.50 Dirhams and it was really good (I had a little sip from Lawrence’s cup). Plus, it had the coolest name: “Free Tropical”



It totally reminded me of those crazy drinks you find in the stores back home. You know the ones I’m talking about! For those of you, who don’t have a clue as to what I’m talking about, allow me to explain.

So you walk into your favorite supermarket (Reems, Smith’s, Key Food, Western Beef, Boys’, C-Town, Viva, Ralph’s, Vons, Vajarta, Lucky’s, Albertsons, Pavillions, Macey’s, whatever!) and then down to the juice aisle. Ever notice it’s called the Juice aisle for a reason? Yeah, they have every kind of juice you can possibly think of, and then some! And the order goes something like this: You start with your real fruit juices, you know, the cranberry, grapefruit, the cranraspberry, the lemon, the apple, the grape, the peach and others like unto it . . .


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Then the selection starts getting more and more sugary, and not necessarily, any sweeter. You start getting the juice that’s 30% real juice, then 27% real juice, then 15% real juice and finally the one that’s only 5% real juice. And they’re alright, but not anything great. My favorites among this category are Sunny D and Tampico now “con Vitamina C,” which some people buy by the truckloads! Believe me, I’m from L.A.


www.tampicoflorida.co.cr (many thanks)

Dude, have you ever read the ingredients to Sunny D? Here’s what I found: Sunny Delight contains: Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, and 2% or Less of each of the following: Concentrated Juices (Orange, Tangerine, Lime, Grapefruit, and Apple), Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Beta-Carotene, Thiamin Hydrochloride (Vitamin B1), Natural Flavors, Food Starch-Modified, Sunflower Oil, Cellulose Gum, Xanthan Gum, Sucrose, Sodium Hexametaphosphate, Potassium Sorbate (To Protect Flavor), Yellow #5 and Yellow #6. What a list, huh? Considering it’s supposed to be juice. I mean, I guess 2% or less makes it alright to write: “Real Fruit Beverage” on the label!


www.cool-drinks.com (many thanks)

So, your next stop is at the little Kool-Aid section! “Oh Yeeaaaaaaaaaaaah!”


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Gotta love Kool-Aid and it’s numerous imitation brands! After all, Kool-Aid is the drink of champions!


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And FIIIIIINALLY, at long last, Hallelujah, you get to the REAL stuff. And by REAL, I mean completely and totally unreal, at least for juice standards. But yet you still find it the same aisle as everything else. Interesting . . . So here’s the rundown of this REAL stuff: you’ve got your blue drink (sometimes called “Bubble Gum Punch” – whatever that means!), your green drink, your grape drink (yeah, you remember that old Sunny D commercial where the guy checks his refrigerator and he’s like: “Alright, we got O.J., soda, purple stuff . . . Sunny D!!!” Yeah, that purple stuff he saw in the fridge is what my man Dave Chappelle likes to call your classic “Grape Drink”), and then finally, at the end of the entire juice aisle, you’ve got your famous red drink!

What the heck are these quote–unquote “drinks” anyways? Dude, read the ingredients! Much like Sunny D, they’re all just colored sugar water. It’s just high fructose corn syrup dyed blue or green or purple or red or some crap color that’s been mixed with water! But it’s not soooo diluted that the only thing you taste is the water; Oooooh no . . . it’s still pretty sweet! (No pun intended) And they want you to think that it’s real juice! And by “they” I mean everyone: the “juice” companies, the markets, even Grannie Marie who was duped by the sellers and now she’s trying to dupe you too. Why else do you think she threw in a bunch of sliced oranges and pinnapple bits into the punch? To make it seem like it’s really juice, that’s why! And what the heck is “Free” anyways, but just another generic rip off of “Cola Champagne” if you’re down in El Salvador or “Inka Cola” if you’re down there in Peru or “Bread Kola Soda” from Russia that you can only find in the underground regions close to Brooklyn. It’s just another mixture of carbonated water and tons of high fructose corn syrup dyed yellow or orange and labeled with some crazy name. It’s all the same crap in the end!


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And as for “red drink,” I invite you to notice it the next time your at Aunt Martha’s family reunion and she comes up to you and says, “Have some punch Sweetheart!” What she’s really trying to say is: “Oh hey, let me kill you with diabetes by giving you a cup of this here red drink, or blue drink (or whatever the heck color she wanted to drink to be) that’s really just colored sugar water for you to sip and poison your body with”


www.core77.com (many thanks)

Just remember what this Nameless Wanderer is saying: Steer clear of the red drink! Kool-Aid is still legit though, I mean, who doesn’t love the big, red Kool-Aid man and getting TONS of free crap with your Kool-Aid points? Now that’s what I’m talking about! “Oh Yeeaaaaaaaaaaaah!”


www.kool-aiddays.com (many thanks)

Maktoub 3aleyk ya Sibawayhi (Part II)

So, the first thing I did when I got home Saturday afternoon was to put on the Darraa-eeya that I had just bought and to check myself out in the full-body mirror next to the bathroom. “It looked and felt so good at the store,” I wondered. “Why doesn’t it look good now?” It seemed that in walking home from the Medina, the Darraa-eeya had grown in size or something, because now it was too big on me. The length was too much, the sleeves we too big, and in the neck was too wide, and I really didn’t want to go back to exchange it. I mean, it was all the way in the Medina and walking way the heck down there took time, a luxury I really don’t enjoy have when I’m studying all day and I need every second I can get to prepare myself for the next day’s lesson. But perhaps, I needed to go back. I knew the way and so it wouldn’t be too difficult to just take it back and get it exchanged. Bada Bing, Bada Boom!

I had a free afternoon yesterday, so I decided that it would be appropriate to make the exchange with the abundance of time that was presently mine. I talked Ruth and Lawrence into going with me and we decided to take a taxi down to the Medina in order to be in and out in probably an hour’s time. We got to the Medina in record time (about five minutes) and paid the Taxi driver his 6 dirham fee. Casually, we strolled into the Medina and began to weave our way through the many streets and avenues that beckoned us with their attractive colors and winding patterns. We walked and followed the path that I knew would lead us to Si Ahmad’s shop, but for some reason, I must have taken a wrong turn. Or maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t the right path in the first place. “Hmmmm. . .” I meditated for a second. “I remembered that I passed this big square on my way to his shop. Could there be another square like it? No worries,” I said to myself, “we’ll just keep walking” and sure enough we did. We walked up this street and down that one; we turned this corner and that one, being forced on each of those occasions to abandon our chosen path upon our realization that “this wasn’t the street!” or that we were walking towards the upper neighborhoods of the Medina when we really needed to be on level terrain. We were lost! And it was my fault! But I was pretty positive that “this street led us to his shop!”



We continued walking and I remember saying within my heart: “Oh Lord! Help us find the way! We’re lost and I don’t want to be here wandering aimlessly without finding the shop. Please . . . help me find the way!” Almost immediately, we turned a corner and I remember hearing a loud voice that was shouting behind me: “SaaHibi!” “It’s just some guy calling his friend,” I thought. But then, I heard the voice again as it yelled: “Aaaaaaaaaaa SaaHibi!” and this time, I wondered if I was the “SaHibi” this person was calling. I turned my head and to my huge surprise, I found a familiar face, smiling as it waited for me at the corner. MuSTafa, a man I had bumped into twice before and who had, on our first meeting, give me directions as to where I could find “Shaari3 Fès” (Fès Street) was standing there a few yards from where I was standing with Ruth and Lawrence. I turned my body and briskly walked to him and took him by the hand as we exchanged kisses on the cheek and greeted each other. His first words to me, after our mutual salutation were: “Where are you going, my friend?”

“You know . . . I’m looking for this Darraa-eeya shop and there’s a little bookstore, a small little one, right next door to it,” I told him. “Do you know where I could find this place? I know it’s somewhere around here, I just don’t know where!”

“I know EXACTLY where it is!” was his response. “I’m actually heading there right now! My work place is on the same street! Come, follow me.”

What a miracle! I mean, here was this man and he just happened to be there as we happened to cross his path and he happened to recognize me and I just happened to turn as he yelled, “Sahibi!” which is something I usually don’t do. I mean, everyone calls each other “SaHibi” and you always hear that as you walk down the street. Why did I turn? Perhaps out of desperation and possible help? I don’t know why I did it, but what I do know is that he did indeed prove to be an answer to a humble supplication. And what’s more miraculous was the fact that he was heading in that direction and knew exactly the place I needed and was praying for. Indeed, “Sami3a Allahu li-man Hamida” (God listens to those who [in prayer and worship] praise him). Sure enough, he entered his work, gave me his card, and pointed us in the direction of the little shop. “Just keep going straight!” he said, “You can’t miss it! Straight!”

At long last, we got the Si Ahmad’s shop, I made the exchange, Lawrence bought some sweet yellow Balgas (traditional Moroccan shoes) and also bought a Darraa-eeya. It was awesome! And after that, I scored a really nice version of Ibn Batuta’s Travels (in Arabic) with explanations and original maps for 120 D’s (about $15 American) at the bookstore next door. It was a great day for all of us.

But the experience that I had witnessed for myself and of which I was a big part, left a profound impression on my mind and in my heart. And I’m still thinking about it as I’m writing this entry. Truly God listens and he answers and he places people in our path so that the works of God and the manifestations of faith might be shown unto the children of men. Thinking about all this, reminds me of a scripture in the book of Hebrews, in the New Testament. It reads: “Be not forget to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares” (Hebrews 13:2). God is real, faith is real, and it is through faith that one comes to the realization that “All things are possible” . . . if you only believe!

Maktoub 3aleyk ya Sibawayhi (Part I)

So, I decided to go for a walk this past weekend. I didn’t know where I was going or where I would be an hour from when I started, but I was certain that I would end up somewhere, hopefully close to the Old City (the Medina as we say in Arabic) at some point in time . . . eventually. I knew and was certain that as long as I moved my feet and continued in my chosen path, that fate would decide my course and destiny. I walked out of the school’s big metal gate and took to the hill that was to my immediate left. I turned out that I had chosen a path that took me past the beautiful Muhammad V mosque and its huge minaret and through much of the new city. After walking for sometime, I found myself at the entrance of the Medina, whose huge white Bab was just swarming with people going in and out, kids running and playing all around, men having a break at the corner coffeehouse, and whose paved entrance could best be described through the hustle and bustle of cars and buses as they moved their cargo to and from the grasp of the Medina’s walls, the broken battlements that at that very moment, reminded me so much of my belovèd city of Fès. Without any delay, I entered the hallowed doorway and stepped into the maze that now rested before me. Lucky for me, I had brought my camera, so that I might record the memory of the sights I was to see and the places I was to visit, which are sometimes hard to remember and almost impossible to describe to someone who has never seen such an amazing web of shops and homes meshed perfectly into one. And as I turned the many corners and wandered the many paths that were offered to me, I couldn’t help but soak in the “puzzlingness” of the labyrinth I had just entered and whose exit was for the moment, lost from my knowledge.

I eventually came to a dead end and found therein, a group of kids who were surprised that an American would visit their little corner of the world. It was such an awesome moment, because these kids had never seen a camera like mine, and their fascination with instant visual and audio technology was clearly demonstrated with their crowing and huddling around me, in order to catch a glimpse of the little gadget that had just filmed them in their element. It was so cool to be there with them and to talk with them, because not only did I get some sweet pictures, but I also left them with a little lesson about the four most important things in life: “one’s studies, one’s work ethic, one’s knowledge and most importantly and above all else,” as I told them, “one’s faith in God.”

I left those little kids (May God keep and bless them) and continued to walk the streets, when something caught my wandering eye. A beautiful Darraa-eeya, the dress of Islamic scholars and students of the book (the Qur’an), was displayed for my two eyes to behold on the side of the street. And as I stopped to admire the quality and the look of the Darraa-eeya, the owner of the shop, Si Ahmad, bade me to come in and to try it on within the walls of humble little Hanut or “Shop.” I accepted his invitation and immediately fell in love with the robe, deciding then and there that I would buy it and thus help this kind brother with his small business. And as I walked out of that shop and headed home for the day, I couldn’t help but think about everything that transpired that very day; that perhaps destiny had decreed for me to buy that Darraa-eeya and to look the part of a one who studies, learns and humbly follows God and the right path. “Path”. . . I had taken many paths that day . . . and they all led me to that man’s shop. “Hmmmmmm . . .” I wondered . . . “Path.” But wait, what if I had taken a different route, a different path? Would I have still ended up at that man’s shop? I don’t know the answer to that . . . as we say in Arabic, Allah Allem (God [is the one that] knows). But it’s interesting to think about it, isn’t it? Especially when one of the paths that you chose leads you to a dead end and the only thing you see upon arriving there is a marble plaque inscribed with the word: “Al-Maktoub” which is Arabic for “It is Written (for you)” or in other words, “Such is your Destiny!” When you really stop to think about everything that happened to you that day, you can’t help but wonder that such events were certainly not a coincidence and that perhaps it was your destiny to have walked where you walked and to have seen what you saw and to have met those you met and to have lived what you lived. That my friends, is destiny; that my friends, is life!

Wedding Bells? Far from it! Well . . . maybe!

So, in one of my last conversations with Mama Aïsha back in Fès, she expressed her interest and excitement for me getting married really soon. The conversation actually resulted from her catching a quick glimpse of this new invention called “Facebook” as I sat in the living room writing friends short messages and reading the news from back home. She actually thought one of my friends on the site was a real “Zweena” (Beauty) in her sweet, motherly opinion. And she was sure right about that, tell you what! Mothers are ALWAYS right!

Dating here in the Middle East is a big deal! Let me take that back: It’s a HUGE deal! I remember one time back at BYU I asked a girl (no names here people) from the Middle East, if she ever wanted to get together and “hang out.” Her response: “Sorry, I don’t do that in my culture!” I was shocked, I mean, this was America, this was BYU, Happy Valley, the dating captial of the world, and she said “No”?! I remember learning a lot about Arab culture, social norms and proper interaction between the sexes from that one experience and I thought I had it ALL down (or at least, some minute fragment of it). Boy, did all that come crashing down in a tower of confusion and flabbergasting stiffness when a friend of mine (a girl) gave me hug in public upon my leaving Fès last year. Here was a lovely young woman and she had come to see me off at the train station and I was shocked that instead of shaking my hand as I extended it, she wrapped her arms around me and said goodbye. I didn’t know what to do, I mean, here was this girl, we were IN public, there were people everywhere, she was VEILED, and I thought I was gonna get yelled at or hurt or maybe cut or something. Luckily no one said a thing; I was safe, but shocked stiff nonetheless.

Like I said before, dating is a big deal, and it should be to everyone! I mean, if you think about it, it’s the window to getting to know one’s significant other really well before one actually commits. Thinking about my current situation and where I’ll be in a couple of months, I thought I would create a set of “tools” to help me cheat the system! One of these tools is this survey. I’m thinking I’m going to send this home in my weekly email to my mom with specific instructions for her to help me find a wife for me, Middle East Style. You laugh at my idea, but In Shaa Allah, this survey will be handed out by my mom to all the ladies that are possibly to be my wife.


Question No. 1:
How old are you?
a) 18
b) 19
c) 20
d) 21

Question No. 2:
How much of a wife’s time needs to be spent in the kitchen?
a) 90% or less
b) 94% or less
c) 96% or less
d) 98% of more

Question No. 3:
On the 1 to 10 scale, How of a good cook are you?
1) I can’t cook worth a dime
10) I can cook like George Foreman

Question No. 4:
How much money does your father have?
a) A lot of it
b) Stacked
c) Extremely Wealthy
d) Does not know what do with his money

Question No. 5:
How many kids do you want to have?
a) 4 or more
b) 5 or more
c) 6 or more
d) 10 or more

Question No. 6:
Bottom Line, Do you also want a career?
a)Yes
b)No

Question No. 7:
What percentage of your money is spent on clothes?
a) 1%
b) 2%
c) 5%
d) 90% or more

Question No. 8:
Define Chocolate:
a) Sweet Dark Thing
b) Tasty Dessert
c) Soul Food
d) A women’s best friend

Question No. 9:
Did you major in any of the following majors:
a) Social Science
b) Children Education
c) Family Therapy
d) Dance

Question No. 10:
Where would you want to go on a honeymoon?
a) Pakistan/Afghanistan borders
b) Baghdad
c) Somalia
d) Darfur

Who's Your Baghdadi???

I thought I would start this entry by making you (the reader) laugh just a little bit. I recently came across this incredibly funny video and I cannot tell you how much I’m still laughing when I stop to think about the creative genious of those who put this commercial together. My friend Lawrence and I still laugh when we quote lines from the commercial to each other! Gosh, laughing is great, isn’t it? I have to give a “Shout Out” though, to my buddy Micah Boyer for letting me know about this clip that will have you laughing too! “I guarantee it!”

So, you know when you make a goal for yourself and you’re doing really well at keeping it up and then you find yourself becoming a little flimsy about keeping up with what you had planned, because you started this INTENSIVE Arabic program in Tangier and you really want to keep up your goal, but find that you can’t or there’s not enough time and then you’re stuck because you started this particular goal in the first place to record your travel experiences and journeys in Morocco and then you’re like: “Awwwwwwwwww Cree-ap!” Ever feel that way? I do! But suddenly, I woke up and smelled the Couscous and was all like, “Man, I keep this blog up, because if I don’t then who will?” Well that’s pretty much how I feel right now, I mean, yeah I’m busy and stuff, but so are millions of other people who still manage to keep up their blogs while being immersed in so many activities and routines of life. And I realized that perhaps, each entry doesn’t have a freakin’ novel (which can be my style sometimes). It’s just gotta be short and sweet, Doogie Howser style. You know what I’m talking about? Maybe you don’t, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is this blog and my experiences and what I see each and everyday! That, and crazy shirt ideas! So far I’ve had about 6 “revelations” come to me both at different times and in different situations and they’re still coming. When I get back to the states, I’m gonna copyright them, print them and sell them at Monster truck rallies and make a FORTUNE! That’s right, you heard me Ladies and Gentlemen, a Fortune! A Killing! Bank! Moolah! Dinero! Paisano! “Who’s Your Baghdadi” is just the start, my friends! It’s only the beginning!