Who's Your Baghdadi???

I thought I would start this entry by making you (the reader) laugh just a little bit. I recently came across this incredibly funny video and I cannot tell you how much I’m still laughing when I stop to think about the creative genious of those who put this commercial together. My friend Lawrence and I still laugh when we quote lines from the commercial to each other! Gosh, laughing is great, isn’t it? I have to give a “Shout Out” though, to my buddy Micah Boyer for letting me know about this clip that will have you laughing too! “I guarantee it!”

So, you know when you make a goal for yourself and you’re doing really well at keeping it up and then you find yourself becoming a little flimsy about keeping up with what you had planned, because you started this INTENSIVE Arabic program in Tangier and you really want to keep up your goal, but find that you can’t or there’s not enough time and then you’re stuck because you started this particular goal in the first place to record your travel experiences and journeys in Morocco and then you’re like: “Awwwwwwwwww Cree-ap!” Ever feel that way? I do! But suddenly, I woke up and smelled the Couscous and was all like, “Man, I keep this blog up, because if I don’t then who will?” Well that’s pretty much how I feel right now, I mean, yeah I’m busy and stuff, but so are millions of other people who still manage to keep up their blogs while being immersed in so many activities and routines of life. And I realized that perhaps, each entry doesn’t have a freakin’ novel (which can be my style sometimes). It’s just gotta be short and sweet, Doogie Howser style. You know what I’m talking about? Maybe you don’t, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is this blog and my experiences and what I see each and everyday! That, and crazy shirt ideas! So far I’ve had about 6 “revelations” come to me both at different times and in different situations and they’re still coming. When I get back to the states, I’m gonna copyright them, print them and sell them at Monster truck rallies and make a FORTUNE! That’s right, you heard me Ladies and Gentlemen, a Fortune! A Killing! Bank! Moolah! Dinero! Paisano! “Who’s Your Baghdadi” is just the start, my friends! It’s only the beginning!

The Creative Art of Cartooning

So after writing a little bit about Samih and his tragic loss, I thought I would include some of what the Arab press and mainly, the cartoonists in these Arabic newspapers, are thinking with regards to the current situation in Gaza and in Palestine, specifically now that Hamas has essentially won control over the whole of the Gaza strip. And it’s fascinating to see what these cartoonists have come up with. They certainly are a creative group of individuals. The cartoons are in Arabic and I’ve tried my best to translate what the captions say. I also wanted to express some of my own thoughts as to what these cartoonists are trying to convey through their drawings. I only hope that when guns fail, cartoons will move the Palestinian people to realize that killing each other has no purpose except to further alienate anyone from them and their hopes and desires of peace in the Middle East. Enjoy!


Source: Al-Hayat Al-Jadida (Palestinian Authority), June 18, 2007 (many thanks)

Cartoon No. 1: In this dreadful drawing, the masked Hamas fighter is saying: “The government is illegitimate,” while the other caption, written above the severed head of a woman can mean one of two things. It can mean “Legitimate slaughtering” or “Slaughtering in the manner of Sharii3 [Islamic Law]” the last of the two interpretations pointing directly at Hamas and its desire to establish a state founded upon Sharii3 or Islamic Law in Gaza


Source: Al-Ayyam (Palestinian Authority), June 21, 2007 (many thanks)

Cartoon No. 2: In this picture, a member of Hamas is talking to his fellow Palestinian, dead and in the grave, saying: “Come on, wake up Infidel! Let’s talk!” From what I understand in this cartoon, the dead Palestinian is a member of Fatah, Hamas’ rival in the government and in this ongoing ideological clash in the Palestine. In the eyes of Hamas, Fatah and its members are the ones that have destroyed Palestine and its hopes for freedom and justice, because they [Fatah] are the ones that have sold out to the West and its corrupting and blasphemous culture. In other words, the members of Fatah are indeed Muslims, but they are Muslims who have gone astray and have fallen from the right path. Therefore, it’s okay to address them Infidels


Source: Al-Dustour (Jordan), June 21, 2007 (many thanks)

Cartoon No. 3: This cartoons reads at the top: “The light at the end of the Palestinian Tunnel” and here we see a masked militant (presumably a member of Hamas) pushing an innocent Palestinian man (a personification of the entire Palestinian population) to his death


Source: Al-Ittihad (UAE), June 16, 2007 (many thanks)

Cartoon No. 4: This cartoon comes from the Gulf and here the TV reporter announces: “The statement that reached us asserts that the Palestinians will strive to liberate Palestine from the Palestinian occupation!” How else can you explain such a brutal and bloody civil war that has claimed so many innocent Palestinian lives? And what are the fruits of such death and destruction?


Source: Al-Mustaqbal (Lebanon), June 19, 2007 (many thanks)

Cartoon No. 5: This cartoon shows the two fronts of the occupied Palestinian lands, the West Bank on the right and the Gaza strip on the left. The surgeon, on the right, is hoping to fix and to heal the West Bank whose circumstances and governmental situation have been labeled as an “Emergency Government,” while on the left, we have an individual, a member of Hamas, actually taking his knife to stab and butcher into Gaza and above him is the label “Government of Calamities,” which can also be translated as “Government of Disasters”


Source: Al-Quds Al-Arabi (Jerusalem), June 16, 2007 (many thanks)

Cartoon No. 6: This cartoon depicts a Palestinian man waving the Palestinian flag and a member of Hamas, whose flag is green, stealing the green corner of the Palestinian flag for himself. He and his party are the ones who have “high-jacked” or stolen the Palestinian cause and have destroyed the hopes and dreams of a people united under one flag and one purpose


Source: Al-Yawm (Saudi Arabia), June 17, 2007 (many thanks)

Cartoon No. 7: This cartoon is labeled as: “The Weapon of the Resistance” and if you look carefully, you’ll notice that the bullets are in backwards. The Palestinians and particularly, Hamas, have really shot themselves in the foot


Source: Al-Ghad (Jordan), June 17, 2007 (many thanks)


Source: Teshreen (Syria), June 25, 2007 (many thanks)

Cartoon No. 8 and Cartoon No 9: These cartoons are highlighting the current conspiracy theories that the United States and Israel are the culprits behind the current situation in Gaza and it could be true, it could not be . . . I don’t know. The caption on Cartoon No. 8 reads: “The American Recipe for Creative Chaos” while Cartoon No. 9 depicts both “Gaza” and the “the West Bank” being cooked in the pot by the United States and Israel. Former Al-Hayat (the daily Lebanese Arabic newspaper) editor Jihad Al-Khazen described the theory best when he wrote: “When the Bush administration pressured President Mahmoud Abbas into holding elections in the PA, they both knew that Hamas would win, not thanks to any achievements [of its own] but due to the corruption within Fatah. Hamas [indeed] won, but it is designated in the U.S. and Europe as a terrorist organization, and thus the Bush administration achieved its aim. It boycotted the Palestinians, laid siege to their government, and starved [them], using Hamas’ [designation as] a terrorist organization as an excuse. Just as Fatah could not believe that it had lost its power, Hamas cannot believe that it had come into power, and both factions have thus played into the hands of the Palestinians’ enemies in the U.S. and Israel. How can the Hamas and Fatah leaders ignore the fact that it was Bush’s government, and the Sharon and Olmert governments, that pushed [Hamas and Fatah] to this situation, and that the [internal] Palestinian fighting is [actually] an Israeli aspiration?”

Tangier: City of the Tanned Tangerine

“Tangier de mis Amores!” Probably what some Spanish writer would say about this beautiful city! It mean it’s right here, as North as you can possibly get in Morocco, lying on the coast, between the Atlantic and the Mediterranean and only minutes away from some amazing beaches and some fun waiting to happen! You know, the more I travel and get out in this country, the more I’m taken back by the beauty that is virtually hidden in a kingdom roughly a little bit bigger than California. I don’t think that there’s any country in the entire and I mean, the ENTIRE Arab World, with such plurality in culture and language and such an intermixing and conglomeration of cultures and peoples and beauties of life. Indeed, East does meet West here, I mean, it’s only 30 minutes from Spain and I DEFINITELY recommend it to anyone wanting to get away for a couple of weeks. Morocco: the land of the setting sun! Where you can lounge in Tangier, take a dip in the splendidly clean and clear blue water beaches of Moulay Bousselham, as you sip some tea in Marrakesh, strike it big with a smart business in Casablanca, wandering through the Aladdin-esque streets of Fès, the world’s oldest medieval city, as you plan a road trip with your buddies through entire cities and villages of red dirt and mud, and you finish your tour aboard a spitting camel on a trek across the Sahara, and thus, you end your day, relaxing and indulging in the true magnificence of the beautiful painting that brings the day to a close, as you prepare yourself to sleep in Bedouin tents for the night and to wake up the following morning to perhaps the most incredible sunrise you have ever experienced. My friends, I give you Morocco: A land of plenty! Not a land of milk and honey, but a land that certainly flows with spice and passion and whose food will utterly leave you asking for more. Well, the vast majority of times. I think I’m going to come back and buy a little house here one day, In Shaa Allah, and spend my days with people who live, and worship, and laugh, and love! May God continue to bless these humble and people and keep them, as we say in Arabic, “noble of heart.”

So, I’ve recently been down about the death of a friend in Palestine. May God rest his soul! Samih (Pronounced SameeH) Al-Madhoun, the cousin of my best friend and brother Hani Al-Madhoun, was recently killed in the Gaza Strip by Hamas gunmen. He has been a victim of hate and war that has recently ravaged the Gaza Strip, a clash between Fatah and Hamas that has transformed itself into a bloody civil war, with Palestinian killing Palestinian and for what? For Power? For “Legitimacy”? For the “Liberation” of Palestine? Liberation from whom? From the Palestinian “Occupiers” of Palestine? Samih is just another sad loss for the struggling people of Palestine and their cause for freedom and justice. Samih and I had talked several times, enjoying several pleasant video conversations over the Internet as we exchanged words and laughs. They were good times! I called him Samih, he called me Abu El Salvador . . . I even sang a song to this guy! He was a good man and now he’s gone. He was the talk of town from what Hani said; he was in his car with some of his companions when they were gunned down, but Samih was just wounded though. Then the Hamas Bastards (Please, pardon my language) dragged him from his car, shot him in the legs, and then the chest and stomach. Executed the brother right there in public! He went down like a man though, not wanting to kneel down to those gunmen, even though they were for that moment, ever more powerful than him. As he died, he yelled: “3ashat Fateh!” or “Long Live Fateh!” He was the one who got Hani into Egypt and did him the favor of making some calls so he could get his Visa to the U.S. He was the last leader left holding President Abbas’ Al-Muntada or Presidential Palace. It really broke my heart to hear these sad news and I pray that God will be with Hani’s family and others who are still running for their lives. There were more than 10 attempts on his life before (and all of them failed!) but this time they got to him. Times are hard and they’re getting even harder! Allah Yir7amu!

Well, I should get back to doing some good work while on this Arabic program, and yes, two weeks have gone by, and I’m starting to get control of the system and the schedule. This Arabic program is definitely intense in every and I mean, EVERY sense of the word, but I’m up to it and I’m learning so much and succeeding at it, it’s great! I’m happy, I’m healthy, I’m eating well, I'm sleeping well, I’m safe, and Al-Hamdu Lillah, I’m making progress every day, even it is the slightest amount. “Rome wasn’t built in one day” is what Johnny over here just told me, so here’s to continued and determined efforts to learn Arabic! “What you are to be, you are now becoming!” And as for this Nameless Wanderer, such is definitely the case. “Inn yanSurkumu Allahu, falaa ghaliba lakum” (If God has granted you victory, there is nothing that can prevail against you!)

Yes . . . reminiscing IS good; but it’s MUCH better when it becomes a reality!

So I thought I would take today a little easy, only because my program in Tangier starts on the morrow and I need to pack and get my rest since the train that I’m taking there leaves Fès at 1 in the freaking morning! Anyways, like Rocky told Adrian in the first Rocky, he said: “Adrian, you gotta do . . . what you gotta do!” So that’s just what I’m gonna do!

Anyways, for those of you who read my blog a couple of days ago, I wrote about Ramadan and fasting and dates and the delicious traditional Moroccan soup called Harira (Hmmmmmm) and that night, to my WONDERFUL and CRAVING delight, Mama had prepared a dinner that began with dates and ended with like 4 bowls of Harira! Holy HFAC, she’s gotta be insprired! It was freaking awesome! Made me want to stand up and yell “Allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahu Akbar!” Abu TalHa style, that’s for nang sure!



So, the next time you really want something, have some faith and believe that you’ll get it; I did and I was happy! In fact, last night, there was still some Harira left and I could not have been more pleased with the delicious delicacy that is Moroccan Harira. Oh, and just so you know what it’s got, it has: beef stock, little eeny weeny bits of meat, salt, ginger, garlic, pepper, tomatoes, tumeric, chickpeas (garbanzos), rice, onions, noodles, lemon, parsley, cilantro, saffron and something else . . . Mama’s love!

I’m out! See you in Tangiers!



Coming Soon: Tales from the Qarawiyyiin – Part I: The Awakening

It's always good to reminisce a little, you know?

So, I can still remember the early morning Call to Prayer going off around 5:25 in the morning here in Hayy Al-Amal. “Allahu Akbar” still resounds in my memory and my thoughts reminisce with such fondness last year’s Ramadan celebration. Ramadan: a month of fasting, a month of prayer, a month of getting closer to God; a Holy month indeed. Ramadan Al-Mubarak, as it is called, requires that the believers fast for the entire month, from sunrise to sunset, that they may learn self-restraint, patience, humility, empathy, and many other divine attributes. I remember those early mornings during Ramadan, waking up at 5 in the a.m. for suHuur (which is the early morning meal before starting your fast for the day) and then fasting the entire day (no food, no water) finally arriving at home around 6 o’clock, as the sun went down and the only thing you would hear was the beautiful loudspeaker on top of the minarets announcing that the fast for that day was over, as “Allahu Akbar” reverberated all around you.



The fast was broken with dates and then a DELICIOUS bowl of Harira (Hmmmmmm) while we saw the live broadcast from the Sacred Mosque in Mecca and the Imam leading the Mu’mineen (The Believers) in worship as he recited the Qur’an and prayed alongside them. It was awesome because the Qur’anic recitations were accompanied with English subtitles, so I actually understood what was being said. It was also a wonderful feat to see the Sacred Mosque in Mecca just filled with people, praying and worshipping the Lord and Cherisher of the Universe in a way that from my childhood I have always admired.


© http://www.sacred-destinations.com (many thanks)

Indeed, the images of Muslims bowing down in reverent humility at the same time and at the same place, always stirred such a feeling of awe and love for those people, who although different in their faith from me, were still humble enough to get on their knees and worship God. And it was also cool, because as the month went on and its days dwindled down, the mosque and the surrounding areas became more and more filled with worshippers, insomuch that by the end of Ramadan, people were everywhere (and I mean EVERYWHERE) facing the Kaba’a as they prayed: in the mosque, on the streets, on the roof tops (in fact on the very roof tops of the Sacred Mosque), and everywhere around the mosque. It made the Day-Without-an-Immigrant parade of last year look like a tiny speck when compared to the amount of people that were in Mecca during those holy days. It was, as we say in Latin, Mirabile Dictu!


© http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org (many thanks)

That was the daily routine as we ate and drank together and rejoiced to be in each other’s company. After some minutes, we turned the TV to MBC 2 where we would see this incredibly funny show in Moroccan Arabic called “Camera Lakum” which stared Moroccan Actress (I forget her name) and later on “Khalid Bin Al-Waleed,” a show which portrayed the beginnings of Islam, its rise and spread, and its arrival to the furthest lands of the West, a.k.a. Morocco. They were both wonderful shows, I must say!



But what I remember most during Ramadan was this hilarious Saudi satire featuring this guy named Fu’aad and his band of friends. The show was called “Tash Maa Tash Arbatash” (Arbatash means 14 in Arabic), because it was in its 14th season on the air! I don’t remember ever laughing so much and so hard in my LIFE, ladies and gentlemen; it was comical, it was entertaining, it was rated “the Best Gulf Series” during Ramadan . . . it was Tash Maa Tash! Priceless, just, just Priceless! I just remember this one episode where they were making fun of the extremist groups that exist in Saudi Arabia and which train Mujahideen (Jihad warriors) to blow themselves and to kill Kuffaar (Infidels) and how the guys who train these men to carry out these acts only speak fully-cased FuSHa (very antiquated and elevated classical Arabic with all it’s case inflections and proverbial mannerisms)



Something which I should mention is that Saudi Arabia and its interpretation of Islam is soooooo strict (according to the vast majority of Muslims) that it sometimes considers fellow Muslims who don’t adhere to its specific interpretation and application of Islam and Islamic law to be apostates and infidels. That is extreme, but we must remember that that’s just Saudi Arabia. Anyways, the episode was a satirical representation of those groups and the funny part was that towards the end of the episode, we have the Jihad Academy graduation and this big room filled with the Mujahideen-in-training among which three were selected to be top of the class. The graduates would then vote for who would make the best Mujahid and as a prize, they would give him an explosive belt. So the three finalist are of course Fu’aad (our main guy), and two other guys: Abu Al-Baraa’ and Abu TalHa. The votes are submitted and you see them appearing on a fluctuating meter off to the side, next to each of the candidates’ names. Fu’aad gets 10% of the vote, Abu Al-Baraa’ gets 25% of the vote and Abu TalHa takes it with 65%, upon which he jumps up and cries out “Allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahu Akbar!” And you have to understand the character which is Abu TalHa: here’s a guy (in the show) who’s skinny, who walks around with outstretched neck, hunched back, and whose lower jaw protrudes so much that it seems he’s always got a smile on his face. And throughout the entire episode, he keeps saying “Fajr! Fajr! Fajr!” (Explode! Explode! Explode”) and “Damar! Damar! Damar!” (Destruction! Destruction! Destruction!) and “Allaaaaaaaaahu Akbar” as a toothless old man would say it and you can’t help but laugh when you hear it (the former really long and the latter really short and crisp)

So, Abu TalHa is selected as #1 Mujahideen, Valedictorian of his Jihad Academy class, and celebrates his victory, exclaiming: “Allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahu Akbar!” with both arms in the air, while those in the crowd shout back: “Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar!” The leader of the group, Sheykh Abu Leith then comes up to present an anxious and eager Abu TalHa with his prize and then helps him put the explosive belt on. He congratulates him with “Mabarakun 3aleyka haatha al-Hizaam yaa Abaa TalHa” and the crowd roars with 4 Allahu Akbars and Abu TalHa’s only response to his overwhelming joy is: “Allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahu Akbar!” as he presses the button to the explosive belt and blows himself and everyone else up! And you can’t help but laugh when you realize that he actually just did that, because he was soooooo ready to blow himself up and to kill some Infidels, but just then he blows himself and everyone in the room up, something completely unexpected as the entire screen turns into a mix of smoke and fire! It was one of the funniest things I ever seen and everyone who was there watching it with me, Barakat and Younis, and later on, Nadia, Sanae, and Baba, we all could not help but just DIE from laughter, it was soooooo funny! And you see, that’s the beauty of a satire! You can poke fun and make light of society and daily life and the reality that you’re living, whether you’re here in America or Saudi Arabia. That’s how life is and there’s nothing else to do, but to accept that it has its crazy moments and that oft times, it’s ridiculously funny! Except for the fact that the actors of Tash Maa Tash actually got a death threat by some of the extremist groups in Saudi Arabia, once they saw the episode. Now that’s NOT funny!

Coming Soon: Tales from the Qarawiyyiin – Part I: The Awakening

DVDs in La Ville Nouvelle

So, I was in La Ville the other day, on a search for some good DVDs and Holy Jihad! I never knew DVD piracy had reached such a broad infiltration in the Maghreb. I’m from L.A. and I know all that goes on there on the streets and in the little alleys of Downtown, Los Callejones as we call them in Spanish. And on a recent trip to Canal Street in Manhattan’s lower east side, I saw all sorts of pirating going on right there on the sidewalks, in broad daylight! Heck, I even bought myself this PHAT Rolex watch for $37! I thought DVD piracy was only bad in the states, but no way José! I was way wrong! Just go to La Ville Nouvelle and you’ll see 9 year-old little boys and 12, 13 year-old young men just sitting around waiting for a sale from their vast (and thriving) DVD stash. And they’re all very nice people, I mean, they want you to buy DVDs, because in the end, they make some money and you end up with an amazingly cheap and good quality DVD! (Well . . . sometimes)

Here’s my usual routine on an average day like today. I start studying at around 10, when I get up (because I go to sleep around 2 in the a.m. and sometimes later) and I study till about 2 when lunch time rolls around. I have a nice little lunch and start studying some more and then 5 o’clock rolls around and I say to myself, “Carlos, it’s time to go have some fun! You need a small, but much needed break!” So off we go to La Ville Nouvelle. You have three options: You can either catch a Taxi Sagher (which runs about 12 dirhams or about $1.50), ride the Bus (which costs 2.90 dirhams), or your could walk a little bit (shee shweeya) to 3ouwint Al-Hijjaaj (the slums, which we call ‘Houma al-Couma,’ which, as Nephi says, is being interpreted as: ‘The Neighborhood of the Coma.’ Interesting name, right? C’mon man, it’s the slums, the Ghetto, and you WILL get beat up if you’re there at the wrong place and at the wrong time, most of the time, during the wee hours of the mow-nin’!) and catch a Taxi there which will take you to Atlas for 3 dirhams! Cheapest Taxi service I’ve ever seen (hats off) and not much different than the rides in the states! Except in the states, a right like that, from my neighborhood to La Ville will probably run you about $10 American. If you’re wise, you’ll kill two birds with one stone and walk to 3ouwint Al-Hijjaaj, thus getting exercise and only paying 3 dirhams for the ride (that way you have more money to spend on DVDs!)

If you end up taking the 3 dirham Taxi, you’ll have to walk just a little bit to get to Centre Ville, since the taxi drops you off at Atlas square; but, if you end up taking the bus, it’ll drop you off right at La Ville. So, once you’re there, the world has become a different place. La Ville Nouvelle is French for ‘The New City,’ and every major city has one: Casablanca, Fès, Marrakesh, Rabat, Tangier. You see, Morocco was under French control for about 50 some odd years and French is still highly spoken and frequently mixed in along with their Arabic. So when I mention ‘La Ville’ I’m referring to the new cities the French built when they got any one of the cities I just mentioned. In La Ville, the architecture is early twentieth century French (so it’s has a more modern look), the streets are wider, there are more parks, there’s more fashion, and it’s very well maintained. It’s La Ville man! You walk around and you find cafés, restaurants, outdoor grills, little shops, newspaper stands, telephone boutiques, all the major banks, business office, doctors offices . . . EVERYTHING you would find in a modern city like Salt Lake or Santa Monica. And now that they’ve completed their renovation of the grand Hassan II Avenue (which is REALLY nice) it’s even a more attractive zone for tourists and Pop Culture. It’s hip, it’s trendy, it’s more expensive, it’s got luxury, it’s got style . . . it’s French!

So it’s in La Ville where you find the kids selling DVDs and you usually pull them off to the side and you sit down with them as you begin to look at the ENORMOUS quantity of DVDs they carry around in little black plastic bags, in their backpack, and other non-see through bags. After all, they have to watch their backs from the Po-lice! I remember one time, not too long ago, my friend Barakat and I were walking down Muhammad VI (another major street in La Ville) and we stopped at a corner to look at the DVDs the guys were selling. It was late in the afternoon/early evening and I distinctly remember seeing a black van driving really fast and stopping right there next to the sidewalk and immediately, two Policemen jumped out and started heading towards us. Okay . . . sometimes the guys who sell DVDs are just sitting around waiting for the customers to come to them and sometimes they set up little blankets and place the DVDs on the blankets and if they see the Po-lice coming, one guy grabs these two corners and the other guy grabs those two corners and they pick up their small business and move along to the next corner. I saw the same thing being done by Nigerian immigrants in Southern Spain; it’s the way things roll in this part of the world! Anyways, so the cops jump out of the van, and the guys selling the DVDs see them and Barakat and I were caught right in the middle of this confrontation and the one guy picks of his two corners and the other guy his two corners and they make a run for it. We tried to get out of their way, but it all happened sooo fast and we were standing right on the middle of the blanket and between the two guys, that I barely had time to move, so just stood there cold and lifeless, like when you're crossing the street and some guy on his motorcycle goes speeding in front of you at 200 m.p.h. Anyways, so the guy on my left, because the police were coming from my left and he and his buddy wanted to get the heck outta there, they started running in the opposite direction. But because he was exactly on my left, in trying to escape, he actually crashed into me and was stopped right there in his tracks, giving the police sufficient time to grab him and to literally shove him around, finally throwing him into the back of their van like an old discarded shirt. The other guy luckily managed to escape the brutality of the Moroccan police. I felt sooooooooo bad, I mean, here were these guys that were selling DVDs because it’s probably the only thing they could do to earn money, since the government is so corrupt and steals from its people and there’s no jobs available for its rapidly growing population and you have guys who earned their Ph.D.’s in English literature and who end up working as janitors who clean the floors at the local cafés or as busboys at the local restaurant earning miserable wages, which if they’re good, run about 1000 dirhams a month ($125 American) and it’s sad to see them get nabbed like that! I felt even worse because I was there, in the middle of the whole thing and actually helped the guy get caught! But what could I do? Nothing! Just keep walking like Johnny Walker.

Anyways, so you usually want to go off to the side when you buy your “illegal” DVDs. I say “Illegal” only because there’s no real legit place to buy DVDs in Morocco. In the states, the situation is completely different, I mean there are legit places to buy your DVDs (Best Buy, Circuit City, Wal-Mart, Old Joe with the gimpy leg) but here, there’s nothing (Walou as we say in Moroccan Arabic) like that, so what’s a brotha to do? Buy good DVDs for $1.25 and then enjoy them at home, that’s what. It’s funny, because you always want to bring your laptop with you (which, believe it or not, draws more people’s attention and curiosity than a jar of honey does flies) when you buy the DVDs, just because you’ll be looking through the hundreds of DVDs that this guy or that guy will have with him, and you’ll say “I want this one . . . and this one . . . and this . . . and that one!” But when you actually see if they work on your computer, you’re left with only a very few that actually work: some of them are medium quality, some of them are excellent quality (but they’re only in French), some of them are the wrong DVD (Like the cover says Shrek 3 and it turns out to actually be Casino with Robert DeNiro), some of them are HORRIBLE quality (I mean, someone went into the movie theatre and took his camera and you can hear people laughing in the background and peoples’ heads moving across the bottom of the screen as they go to the bathroom or something), and finally you find one that is excellent quality and it’s in English! (Out of 30 DVDs that wanted to buy, only 3 were actually good, or I should say, what I wanted, so Caveat Emptor and bring your laptop to try them out) I must say however, my respects to the quality of both picture and sound and especially to the price. I remember being a Missionary in New York City and our Mission President, el Presidente Spackman telling us not to buy illegal DVDs because it was just that: Illegal! And I distinctly remember one cold December evening out in Sunnyside (Woodside Zone), a Friday to be exact, and it was the day that the second Lord of the Rings (The Twin Towers) was coming out in theatres and as I walked on the sidewalk, past the shops and the little carts of roasted almonds and peanuts that were being sold there on 46^th street, I saw an older woman standing by what appeared to be a blue plastic tarp and on top of that tarp, a hoard of illegal DVDs, among which I noticed “The Two Towers.” “What!” I remember saying to myself, “it barely came out today!” I walked up to the older woman and asked her “Cuánto Señora?” and she said “Diez (10) dolares.” Ten bucks and you could own the movie, right then and there on the VERY day the movie premiered! It was just lying there, calling my name and begging to be bought. “No!” I firmly said, “President said not to!” and then I walked away. But that was then and that was there, in the states. What can you do when you want to be legal about buying movies and you can’t find ANY legit place to do so? You wake up, study, have some lunch, study some more and then take a much needed break to La Ville, where you find the boys selling the DVDs that you want. Hey, you’re happy, they’re happy, everyone’s happy! Well . . . except the people who actually made the movie.

Coming Soon: Tales from the Qarawiyyiin – Part I: The Awakening

The tomb that keeps Evil trapped within her hallowed Walls: The Sacrifice of Tal Rasha

On the forty-fifth day of our campaign, we caught up with Baal near the towering walls of the exalted Imperial captial, the ancient port city Lut Golein. We had tracked the great Lord of Destruction all the way from the vast, southern desert lands of Marrakesh some months before. Our leader Tal Rasha, believed that Baal was heading north, through the mountain pass of Sidi Yusuf and the royal gates of Bab Mansour, but for some reason the demon chose to forfeit his lead and to take refuge within the sandblasted city.

Wishing to avoid confrontation in which innocents might be hurt, Tal Rasha ordered us to stay our attack until Baal had left the city’s walls. We waited and watched for 3 days and 3 nights before the treacherous creature emerged from Lut Golein. Heading north as Tal Rasha had predicted, Baal set off once more. The beast ran with unprecedented velocity, knowing that a confrontation with us would be his inevitable and disastrous end. We knew the certainy of the outcome and took courage within our hearts as we pressed on with incredible swiftness, having gathered our much needed strength while we watched for the creature’s emergence. We pursued the horrendous monster for many miles, and knew from our locality that the mighty city of Fès was only but a few miles away. Before the demon could claim sanctuary within giant maze of the fortified city, we caught up to the monster in the plains of the surrounding desert. With the strongest spells we could muster, we battered the great Lord of Destruction and forced him to give ground before us.

The enraged demon let loose the full fury of his powers. The earth itself exploded under our feet, swallowing many of our brave and courageous brethren. The heat of the blazing desert sun and the fire that the beast let loose and unleashed from beneath the burning desert sand seemed to scorch and to consume every last one of us. Destruction spiraled around us in every conceivable form, but we had traveled too far to be stopped just then. Weakened by his exertions, Baal let loose one final strike against Tal Rasha; but, thankfully, the battle-battered Mage was left relatively unhurt. Unfortunately, the ancient Soulstone that he had been given by the Archangel Tyrael was shattered into several small pieces. Reeling in panic, we pressed our attack and succeeded in temporarily subduing the raging demon.

Knowing that the Soustone’s broken shards would not be enough to contain Baal’s powerful essence, Tal Rasha quickly devised a reckless plan to contain the demon forever. With a feverish light in his eyes, he coldly walked over to Baal’s withering body and slit the creature’s throat. As Baal’s spirit fled the dying body, Tal Rasha chose the largest of the Soulstone’s shards and jammed it into the open wound. Just as with Mephisto, Baal’s spirit was sucked into the golden shard’s vacuous recesses and trapped. The shard pulsed and hummed as though unable to hold its terrible content in check. Though we questioned his judgement, Tal Rasha seemed confident that the shard would hold Baal until our task at hand as complete.

At this moment, the Archangel Tyrael appeared and held Tal Rasha in his penetrating gaze. The angel’s shimmering visage was beautiful beyond all comprehension, and I distinctly remember his whispering to Tal Rasha in the vernacular Aramaic tongue, “Your sacrifice will be long remembered, Noble Mage!” With that golden shard in hand, Tyrael led us to a series of secret caves buried deep beneath the burning desert sands. There we found seven ancient tombs, which we were told by the Archangel, were built by the great Moulay Idris the First, the founder and builder of the Old Kingdom; a long-forgotten kingdom and people, whose glory and grandeur had faded from all recollection and now, was nothing more than a relic of antiquated history. Our grim procession finally came to a sudden halt as we reached the last enormous vault. It was there that Tyrael bade us to begin constructing a binding stone at the chamber’s center. It was then that I realized what he and Tal Rasha had in mind . . .

We etched powerful runes of containment upon the binding stone and used our magic to craft unbreakable chains from the chamber’s walls. Once preparations were completed, Tal Rasha ordered that he be shackled and bound to the stone. To our horror, Tyrael walked forward and brandished the glowing shard before him. Before any of us could react, the Archangel drove the shard into Tal Rasha’s chest. We gaped in awe as the realization of what had transpired took firm root in our minds. Tal Rasha had made the ultimate sacrifice: He would remain chained forever, cursed to wrestle with Baal’s foul spirit for all eternity.

Sorrowfully, we made our way back into the sunlight and watched as Tyrael closed the tomb’s giant doors forever. The last sound to escape the cold tomb was a tormented scream not born of this world. I pray that Tal Rasha’s sacrifice was not in vain. I pray that the evil buried under the desert sands remains bound until men forget that there ever were evils that walked among them in the land of setting sun.